FUCK

I'M AN UNDERACHIEVER

this needs to change. i'm oozing with potential but i completely lack motivation. like what the fuck i should be a billionaire right now and have like 8 grammys and nobel prizes. i'm gonna start doing shit with my life. like forreals this time.

saturday night blogging

i decided today that even if i hate my next place, i'm not moving again. this shit is such a buzzkill. anyway, day 5 of my cleanse and i'm feeling really good. i don't know how long i can last. honestly, i'm surprised i've gone this far with only minimal jonesing.
i've been missing milwaukee lately. but madison is so cool in the summer. the majority of the douchebags are gone, so it's semi-quiet and there's just so much beauty that i've discovered on my bike. i'm gonna miss these summer evenings...
but i'm excited for school to start. i got into this Toni Morrison class that i've been stalking the timetable all summer for. i counted over 20 novels that i'll be reading this summer on top of all the poems and short stories and writing fellow papers that i'll be editing. my eyeballs will most certainly melt out of their sockets.
it's too hot to live.

I made my own cake

Today is my 20th birthday. Bittersweet
I'm listening to Room for Squares. nostalgia much? i also have my jesus candle lit. i feel asleep watching the L Word and woke up in the strangest mood...like a genuine apathy is almost what i felt...toward everything. the feeling has dissipated somewhat since.
usually around this time of year i start thinking about school, which means summer is almost over. i hate being reminded of it. i have way too many summer dresses that i haven't even worn yet. what the fuck did i do this summer? i haven't even been able to finish a single book. i've started about 20 of them, and can't control my A.D.D. long enough to be able to finish.
i really think i could have made the most of these last few weeks if i didn't have to worry about moving. moving is the fucking devil's cunt and i am not looking forward to it.
and yada yada yada
and i'm quitting weed for a while i guess.

Cash Cab is my show. I really need to get my ass on a game show. I could make so much dough just doing what I do every night in my living room. ahhhhhhh

So today was the last day of poli sci. which was bitter sweet because i'm getting sick of school, but i really really liked prof. Goldstein. I loved loved loved his lectures even though they were power lectures. He got me really interested in politics. I'm on politico.com more often than facebook nowadays. But it's good to have one thing outta the way so I can concentrate on other shit. Just a week more til donezo. I'm not really lookin forward to working, but I am looking forward to stackin that cheese. So about a month and a half from now is when my summer actually starts. i got a gig volunteering at Bay View again which I'm looking forward to. It's just dissappointing that I'm gonna be missing so many on account of summerfest and incubus in chicago.
so things i'm looking forward to this summer:
INCUBUS
summerfest
birthday
HOTness
cute dresses
spending the summer in madison
NOT going to school
catching up on some reading
badass summer movies
Bay View

things i'm NOT looking forward to:
working
moving
HOTness
boredom

guess i should get to studying...

i suck at updating. i guess i've been a bit busy??? last week was hectic as hell. started out with my INTERVIEW for WFP. i'm hoping i get this fellowship, but i'm definitely not getting my hopes up. and of course exams and what nots. i'm FINALLY relaxing and it feels awesome. i don't have anything important to do for at least another week. ahhhhhh...well spring is about to start but it sure as fuck doesn't seem that way. oh and I'm going to see INCUBUS!!!!!!!!! the day after my birthday. i'm hecka excited!!! they're my favorite fucking band. ever! it's in chicago, so it's gonna require a bit of road-tripping but it's all good. i promised myself last time i missed them that i would never miss the opportunity to see them again. it shall be fun. i'm kinda lookin forward to the summer. not really the working part, but gotta stack that cheese. and plus my grandpa's matching every dollar i make so that's doubly awesome! well i guess i'll update more when i feel like it.

DR. Phil and the octomom

so i've been changing my life plans...

i heard that the school of education only accepts about 20 people a year which put my odds of getting in at around...1/200 maybe? yeah so i've decided not to waste my time with these SOE requirements and just apply to Graduate School at UWM where I can get my masters degree and teaching license simultaneously. this plan just sounds so much better to me, and besides, I'd rather do my student teaching in Milwaukee than here. so that is my new plan. i think too far ahead...
2 exams this week that may kick my ass, but as usual i will try my best, perhaps in vain. i've discovered caffeine pills. they make me a bit nauseous but they keep me as alert as Adderrol and they cost the same as 2 cups of coffee, so for what i spend in 2 days regularly, i got 40 tablets which should hold me over at least for a month.
and now the economy is starting to scare me. why does this shit have to crumble just shy of my college graduation? some bullshit. well hopefully the Messiah (Obama) can fix it. if not, then i'm gonna become a Thoreauvian, build a cabin in the woods and live off the revenue from my bean farm.
LOST TONIGHT!
looks like i'll be at la biblioteca por la noche. blogging is fun, yet i wonder if i do it for catharsis or in reservations of others reading it...

i'm boring

sooo. what's newsies?
ummm i got a job for the first part of the summer. semi-exciting. hopefully I can find something to entertain myself for the latter half. we shall see how it all turns out in due time.
school is school. i got one of the high scores on my chem exam which surprised the hell out of me and gave me a huge academic confidence boost, considering i barely studied and spent most of the weekend before it smoking weed and watching lost. but i have to crack down this weekend for my poli sci exam which i feel super unprepared for. i've been reading about federalism all night which isn't exactly the ideal way to spend a saturday evening. but ohwellsies. gotsta do what i gotsta do.

my god, i've been eating like a fucking fat person. full ass meals like errnight and leftovers for breakfast. i need to get my ass on a treadmill since i don't see myself changing my eating habits anytime soon. can't wait til spring. ooooooooo

Chris died for our sins

I finally did it! I got my tat! It was way more painful than my other ones and it took way longer, but it was so worth it. My artist was so cool and very obsessed with details and meticulousness. And that worked out perfectly because it is a pretty detailed symbol. I'm very happy with it but my mother is not, and I'm almost positive my grandparents won't be when the find out.
The first full week of school is over. I have a good feeling it will be among the more boring semesters. Spanish is alright, but I feel like I shouldn't be taking it because it's not going to help me graduate. English is boring as hell already. I really hate Puritan literature. But yeah, being taught by Kermit the frog takes away the dull sometimes. Chemistry is okay but I know it's gonna get hard. Luckily I have a great professor and a very helpful TA. The only class I really like is Poli. Sci. My professor is awesome and he makes even the power lecture very interesting. But my discussion section is LOADED with squares. Blech. So, hopefully this semester goes well because I really really need to get into the school of Education. Otherwise I'm stuck with a stupid ass useless degree. I'm just concerned about getting those letters of recommendation.
I miss my fam yo! It's weak being so close to them but rarely being able to see them.
I got back in touch with Chris which is awesome because I missed him a lot. He was always such a good friend to me and it sucks that we grew apart.
HEROES IS COMING BACK! OMG I'M SOOOOOO EXCITED! That's what I have to look forward to nowadays.
Hopefully I can get a job this summer otherwise I will be bored because I doubt I'll be able to get money for summer school. These concerns bring more stress than I care to handle right now. And also moving out is gonna be a bitch. Because the lease ends on the 14th and we can't move in until the 16th so that's 2 days of homelessness plus I don't know who's gonna help us move our shit! such dilemmas, although far away, trouble me.
Well, I must be off to write a paper. ahh back to this again.

New pres,

despite my new year's resolution to blog more often, i forgot my password for the past couple of weeks, hence the lack of posts.
there hasn't been much to blog about lately anyway. I've been sitting on the couch watching reruns of cops, maury and really really bad reality TV. I'm not complaining though. I know I will miss it once school starts in a couple of days. I finished knitting Dar's scarf. turned out beautiful. I then started a scarf for Rey, but had to take a long break to heal my wrists which are in pain from excessive computer use and knitting.
Also I got a new ipod. It's orange and beautiful. And I scored some free downloads and finally got some new music on the playlist. Radiohead, Santogold and MIA. Radiohead In Rainbows is probably one of the best albums I've heard in a while.
So, I don't know how this year will turn out. I have a feeling it won't be amazing. I'm worried about getting money for summer school and getting a job. And having time to do something besides study this semester. I would like to do some volunteer work but I really don't think I have time.
I want to go on the Real World.
I want to go shopping.
I think I'm getting a tattoo this week. Hopefully!!! I'm getting the same one that Brandon Boyd has on his forearm. Hopefully all my ink does not hinder my job getting abilities in the future.
I want to do something to my hair. Color. or curls.
Man I am bored. Think I'll go hit the bong.

IT'S OVER!!!

but i still feel like i have to go to school tomorrow. weird...well, i'm going back to the mil tomorrow. hopefully the bus doesn't crash due to the crazy ass storm.

my Buddhism teacher just sent me an e-mail saying he didn't record my grades for my 2 papers and he wants me to send him what grades i got. he must really trust people to tell the truth cuz i coulda easily said A++ nigga! but i got an AB on both of them so i didn't need to lie. but still. he's slow.

okay so the last episode of Moral Orel is making it seem like his dad is gay...and yeah. he's gay. wow.

so i've started watching star trek beginning with the very first season from 1966. it's pretty entertaining actually. and i'm gonna watch every season through to see how the story (and television) has evolved.

plans for winter break:
-READ (finish the Waste Lands)
-smoke weed
-watch Star Trek
-watch Heroes
-learn to knit
-go sledding
-make tacos
-make 1000 origami cranes
-get a tattoo

me and rey nap too much. i think the cold is making us tired.

yeah i haven't blogged in a lifetime, but i've been studying for the past 2 weeks straight for reals. but now that i don't have to do that, i hope i have more time for you oh dear blog.

my pineapple is so aromatic and i haven't even cut it yet!
i am quite excited to eat it.
and i'm making steak for lunch tomorrow.

ok it's 3 am. i have nothing else to say.

i'm pretty sure i'll be getting another tattoo sometimes soon. i don't know yet if i want to wait til i go back to milwaukee for thanksgiving or get one here, but it's definitely for sure happening.
i'm watching the TRL finale which is weird and makes me feel old. i used to watch it religiously back in middle school and now it's ending. which is a good thing cuz it sucks major balls nowadays.
i'm getting a sewing machine and i'm gonna start making dresses because i can and because i want to. and i'm serious this time. i'm also gonna reconnect with my artistic side. i'm letting academia take over my life and that is a not good thing.
also looking for apartments still. rey and i really want a place where we can have a doggy, but we'll settle for a cat. and the rent here is rediculously high and it's not even that great of an apartment. what's the point of living on state street if you can't even see state street at least from the window?
i love tuesdays with no class.
i'm hungry and cold
i have homework to finish
i want mcdonalds.
i need to save money for a tat.
i think i'm tired.
i'm going to turn on the heat. and possibly blog again later today.

zazen

ahhhh monday.
rey is the most hilarious person to watch while he's singing. especially when he has headphones on cuz he has no idea how retarded he sounds. it never ceases to entertain me.
well today in Buddhism class, we were to have a panel of Buddhist come to give the lecture. I'm sure I wasn't the only one expecting to see a couple of monks or at least asian or indians. so yeah, i was a little disappointed when i decided against skipping class to see a bunch of old white people talk about how they came to be buddhists. it was possibly more boring than the regular power lecture which trust me, is very hard to top on the boringness scale. some people just have this uncanny ability to make things that are normally interesting seem like the most uninteresting things in the world.
so i just read Persepolis and it was so beautiful and the movie was equally moving. i loved it. and i recommend it to anyone who is reading this, which is most likely no one. but whatevs.
i flew through an essay today, which i'm very happy about. very happy. this semester went pretty well. i'm worried about the semesters to follow...
Thanksgiving soon! i'm excited. i miss the fam. but my mom's leaving the day after i arrive to go to atlanta. but it will still be cool to chill with the sibs.
now rey is rocking out hardcore to seven seas or rye. it is the most intense thing i've experienced all day.
apartment hunting is really a drag. i'm hoping to get a place where i can have a doggy. or at least a kitty. it would make a wonderful addition to our home :)
so we're talking about conception in human sexuality and women's health. and now i'm really paranoid about being infertile. seriously that would suck. but i heard that women who have painful periods generally are those who are ovulating. so i'm hoping the pain is a good sign.
i really really really really really really really really really need some bud. hopefully i can get a nice little care package when i go back to milwaukee cuz this dry spell shit is just not cutting it.
just like i promised to be more consistent in my blogging, i'm also gonna spend some time cultivating my meditation skills. i'm getting better at it the more i practice. and yeah, overall, i think it has made me a slightly happier person. although that might also be due to the change in circumstances. but whatever the reason, i'm grateful.

sunday bloody sunday

look at me being consistent with my blogging.
sunday morning...that means intense homework doing and america's next top model marathons. i'm trying to avoid getting sucked into the latter. it would be cool to be on that show. i keep saying i'm going to audition...i tell myself i'm avoiding it because i'm afraid of rejection, but really it's because i'm afraid i wouldn't be rejected. and then i'd have to drop out of school and lose my scholarship and i would be away from rey and my family for a long time and just a whole bunch of things that i'm not ready to do. so for now, i'll live vicariously through them while posting comfortably on my couch.
i showered and dolled up today for rey...kinda. i'm sure he's sick of seeing me in a do-rag, no make-up and pajamas. so i guess i'll try to look cute for once. if he doesn't notice then i'm never doing it again.
i'm seriously considering going off birth control. it's causing more problems than it's worth and i can't afford it anyway.
i really want to leave the country for a bit. but i'm too broke for that as well. and i'm getting really tired of people talking about their summers abroad and their vacations in Italy and France. really. i'm glad you're parents are rich enough to do that for you, but it just spells out SPOILED and PRIVELEGE and i don't want to hear it.
i'm actually really tired of pretty much everyone here. i'm surrounded by rich, spoiled brats and fake dumb hippies who honestly don't care about anyone but themselves. they try to act like their activists and are doing something important and saving the world, but really they're just posers. i mean, if you give a fuck about the homeless of the starving people in the third world, you would save the $5 a day you spend at starbucks and send them a check. holding signs and signing petitions isn't doing shit but fulfilling your own sense of gratification. fuck them. for real. fuck them.
but enough ranting. i have to write a paper about kids during wartime.

wow i suck at blogging.
i'm gonna start doing it more often i guess. why not? no one reads it anyway.
...well i'm at the apartment watching the office. rey is at work. its kinda weird how we live together, yet i still miss him every time he's gone for a long time.
i'm doing quite well academically. which shouldn't come as a surprise considering i spend about 90% of my time studying. i'm feeling really nastolgic...i miss summer and the copious amounts of blunt smoking and concerts and warm weather and chilling...i'm jealous of myself 6 months ago. i was looking at pictures from summer and i was way skinnier too. oh well...summer will come again...not soon enough.
i feel old. i hate getting old. nothing good can come of it.
i can't wait until x-mas. i'm most excited about watching Pee-Wee's Christmas special. i'm hoping it will bring back pleasant childhood memories.
i just spoke with my grandpa and he shares my concern for Obama's safety. There are waaaayy to many rednecks in this country.
well i do believe it's time for me to eat cookies. and pay attention to the office.
future blogs coming soon...

Tattoos

I just got a tattoo this weekend. It's a flower on my chest and it hurt WAY more than the one on my back. It's healing nicely and overall, I'm very happy with it. I love tattoos. And hopefully that won't change anytime soon considering my this one is in a very visible spot.

Lately I've been seeing and hearing a lot about basement tattoos, typically on 15-17-year-olds who can't wait a few years to get one done professionally. I'm starting to think they all get done by the same person because they all look exactly the same. The most common one I've seen is the hands of Jesus held together in the formation of a prayer. I've seen a girl with this one her chest which kind of makes it look like Jesus is feeling her up. I don't think she thought of that before she decided to get it done.
I really think people should wait until they've matured a bit before they decide to get permanent ink applied to their bodies. I saw a kid who looked no older than my younger brother with a tattoo on his hand that says "#1 PIMP FO LIFE". I can't imagine this kid ever getting hired for a job other than as a pimp maybe. And I saw a girl with the words "Get Money" underneath a bunch of rolls of dollar bills. And both were riding the bus, so they obviously aren't very successful pimps or money-getters.
And illegal tattoos is the reason why they were outlawed in the first place. They were spreading diseases using unsterilized needles. Getting tattooed is nerve-wracking enough in a steralized environment. I can't imagine going through it in some random mother-fucker's basement. But I can't judge. Whatever floats your boat I suppose.