sunday bloody sunday

look at me being consistent with my blogging.
sunday morning...that means intense homework doing and america's next top model marathons. i'm trying to avoid getting sucked into the latter. it would be cool to be on that show. i keep saying i'm going to audition...i tell myself i'm avoiding it because i'm afraid of rejection, but really it's because i'm afraid i wouldn't be rejected. and then i'd have to drop out of school and lose my scholarship and i would be away from rey and my family for a long time and just a whole bunch of things that i'm not ready to do. so for now, i'll live vicariously through them while posting comfortably on my couch.
i showered and dolled up today for rey...kinda. i'm sure he's sick of seeing me in a do-rag, no make-up and pajamas. so i guess i'll try to look cute for once. if he doesn't notice then i'm never doing it again.
i'm seriously considering going off birth control. it's causing more problems than it's worth and i can't afford it anyway.
i really want to leave the country for a bit. but i'm too broke for that as well. and i'm getting really tired of people talking about their summers abroad and their vacations in Italy and France. really. i'm glad you're parents are rich enough to do that for you, but it just spells out SPOILED and PRIVELEGE and i don't want to hear it.
i'm actually really tired of pretty much everyone here. i'm surrounded by rich, spoiled brats and fake dumb hippies who honestly don't care about anyone but themselves. they try to act like their activists and are doing something important and saving the world, but really they're just posers. i mean, if you give a fuck about the homeless of the starving people in the third world, you would save the $5 a day you spend at starbucks and send them a check. holding signs and signing petitions isn't doing shit but fulfilling your own sense of gratification. fuck them. for real. fuck them.
but enough ranting. i have to write a paper about kids during wartime.